PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
