capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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