I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
