My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
