I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
