remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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