I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
