Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
