hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am puke
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
