I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
