Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
