..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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