if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
