First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
