My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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