I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
