my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
