im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
