I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
