He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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