And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize