Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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