She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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