Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
