what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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