handjob tips. give me some.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
