I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
