he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize