if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
