Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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