I wanna bring you to show and tell
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
