thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
