Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
