i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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