Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
