I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
