Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
