Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
