Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
