Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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