It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
