Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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