i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize