Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
