So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
