I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
