my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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