She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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