the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
