do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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