your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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