I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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