I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
