We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
