I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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