YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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