I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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