its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
