I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
