My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
