Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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