oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
