You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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