so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
