IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
