he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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