don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
