I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
