A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
